Lead with kindness. Speak with love.

These words “Lead with kindness. Speak with love.” should be how we approach all things in this life. What a wonderful world it would be. But today I’m focused on something specific. Let’s dive in.

We wonder why we live in a world of comparison. Why we constantly feel like we’re falling short, not enough, not doing enough, not looking enough. It’s easy to assume the problem is confidence or self-worth. That if we just believed in ourselves more, we’d stop feeling this way. But that’s not it. The real problem is the chatter. The constant hum of judgment disguised as casual conversation. The gossip that rolls off tongues like small talk.

You know what I mean;
“Ashley lost too much weight.”
“Diana’s busting at the seams.”
“Lloyd lost all his hair and gained a different kind of six-pack than he used to have.”

It’s all tossed around like it’s harmless, like it’s normal.

“Oh, did you see Lily? She never lost the baby weight.”
“Alex looks rough. Probably on something.”

And we laugh, nod, move on with our day, but it sticks. Those words, those little jabs, they find a home somewhere. And then we all wonder why we feel like we’re never measuring up.

A small story of my own experience. I’m an accredited fitness and wellness professional. I’ve worked my tail off since day one to earn that title. When I started in the wellness industry, I was 26, two kids deep, mentally exhausted, and clawing my way out of postpartum depression. Self-care became my lifeline.

I started small, with a bootcamp at a local campground. I was helping them run programs for the community and I’d hired a coach to run said bootcamp, but after one session, the coach got injured and couldn’t continue. We couldn’t find anyone else. Suddenly it was up to me. And if you know me, you know I don’t do things halfway. Within weeks I was studying for my fitness certification, determined to do it right.

And as I poured into studying, learning and coaching, my body began to change too. I wasn’t “losing baby weight” I was stepping into a new season. Moving my body, eating whole foods, managing the cortisol that had been hijacking my system. My hormones were finally cooperating. My energy was coming back. Month after month, I was growing stronger, both inside and out. I had muscles I didn’t know existed. I FELT strong, I had confidence. My life had changed. But somehow, to someone, it still wasn’t enough.

I’ll never forget the moment someone in my community said among a group (and I’m paraphrasing):

“She’s just some fat girl down at the park yelling at other women to work out because she can’t do it herself.”

And let me tell you, that stung.

We can all pretend words don’t hurt, but they do. Especially when you’re out there giving your all, trying to make a difference. I was pouring my heart into building a space where women could feel good in their bodies, free from shame and comparison. And all it took was one person’s careless comment to knock the wind out of my sails.

The irony? I was in great shape. But that didn’t matter. Because words (especially the untrue ones) have a way of twisting our perception until we start questioning everything. I began chasing a version of “enough” that didn’t exist. I lost sight of why I started in the first place. Eventually, I found my footing again. I looked around at the 70+ women showing up every week, at the confidence they were gaining, at the lives changing and I remembered. I remembered what actually mattered.

Here’s the truth: I was in a position where I had to expect judgment, but so many people aren’t. They’re just living their lives, buying groceries, going for walks, showing up at the reunion, and suddenly, they’re the topic of conversation. They become a story someone tells at the dinner table.
A punchline in someone else’s insecurity. A reflection of how harsh we’ve become as a society. And sometimes, those comments circle back. Sometimes, they reach the person you were talking about. And sometimes, that person already has those same cruel thoughts about themselves.

We humans are so much more than our bodies. We are not our jeans size or our hairline or our bank account. We are complex, layered, beautiful beings doing our best to survive and thrive. So here’s a radical idea… if you’re bored, send a compliment instead. If you’re tempted to gossip, redirect. Let’s stop feeding that monster of comparison and start nurturing something kinder. And remember, every time we talk about someone behind their back, we’re building a world where we’ll eventually be the topic too.

Let me be like a grade school teacher here and say, let’s just be nice.
Don’t gossip.
Don’t assume.
Don’t comment on someone’s body unless you’re saying, “You look so happy.” And when you talk about someone, imagine they’re sitting right beside you.

Words build worlds. So let’s use ours to create one that feels lighter, warmer, and a little more human again. Lead with kindness. Speak with love. And if you don’t have anything nice to say…you already know the rest.

In Love & Light,
Mandy Hunter